Jesse's Song album

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"Jesse's Song" streaming

Rich in War

She Finds the Chords Herself

Thursday, December 31, 2020

"Surviving Angel" New EP Out Next Year #lorijeanfinnila #singersongwriter #survivor #EP

 I have a new EP coming out next year by my birthday June 2021. I'm finally able to write and produce comfortably coming from being a survivor myself. I had questioned many of the tones and lyrics I was using. As free as it is in a feeling I wanted to feel proud of the intelligence in my lyrics and the producing. I can safely say I 've found a few songs to do this. Coming to my highest point I've let go of everything inside me and was left with beauty in the new EP "Surviving Angel" where I talk of still being here leaving so many abused behind not with us anymore and many still struggling to survive years later after the physical affects onto their bodies which I tried to express in "Dying Burning Body," which was unsuccessful as well as banned at times along with *The Beast of Heaven." I think I've found a medium by using freedom in my body. 


"Surviving Angel" EP



Example Cover


"War is Over" - To the point of acceptance.

Lyrics:

War Is Over 

I've seen all the wars 

Picked my fingers on the thorns 

Picking strawberries....... 

Chorus War is over 

Over for me 

Verse 

Saw the destitute faces 

that didn't come home 

Times I was too late 

I stopped counting After three 

Virtual representations 

lined up 

I learned to dance with glee 

Chorus 

War is over 

Over for me 

Verse 

No more papers 

Just Petals on the ground 

Graces, Hail Mary's 

When I've done nothing wrong 

Running through fields 

Tall with sunflowers 

Touching my face 

running Past the terror 

 right through it all 

Chorus 

War is over 

Over for me 

Verse 

Caught those weaker than me 

Making my place 

Bringing my treasures home 

Had to learn to let them go 

Dragged my guns between my legs 

Had to climb the trees to stay alive 

I ran enough Climbed so high 

Begged for mercy Even at times 

War is over 

Over for me 

Even though I know many won't return 

War is still over for me War is over Over for me 

"Your World" - How close a Pedophile and sexual abuser can be to us - I stopped eating at 10 because a Pedophile was on my path and the police told my mother to tell me to ignore him. Later it appeared I had become a permanent victim on their list after the fondling outside my diaper - left with some mild effects.

"Surviving Angel" - The survivor within me feeling left as the warrior.

"Life Before You" - A song wishing your partner knew the value of you before you came along. 

Wednesday, December 30, 2020

On Cowboy Joe Radio Today!

 


Please listen to me today at 3:00 pm PST. This station is so fun! Cowboy Joe Radio #lorijeanfinnila #singer  #radioplay 

Cowboy Joe Radio
Photo courtesy hatcountry.com.







Thursday, December 24, 2020

My Christmas Cheer #lorijeanfinnila #singer #christmas




Merry Christmas and enjoy my gift to you "This Christmas" by Lori Jean Finnila. The wonderful Martin Minor at looperman.com composed the music for this. 

"This Christmas"

Please feel free to download this and burn it to a CD along with your other favorite Christmas songs. 




 Photo by monicore at Pexels.

Friday, December 18, 2020

Your World #newsong #lorijeanfinnila #rockhop

 Please feel free to download and enjoy the instrumental while I work on the song. Here are the lyrics:


                                                 Image by Stefan Keller from Pixabay 

I'm mysterious

Maybe not

What you're looking for, me

What you think I am

 

You may be sick

Too much 

of what you believe 

to be too big or 

it's just you

Is that too nice to say

Even coming from me

 

You're distaste in life

Or even you're choices

Show vulgar acts

Don't touch me 

one more time

Though if I say

It doesn't matter anyway

 

You think you are it all

But you are just as small

As you're beliefs

 

Come here baby

You lost little lamb

I will coat you with sugar

All over and put you to bed

 

And when you have 

bad dreams, nightmares

You will sink into the walls 

you've made for all of us

 

So don't fear 

your world it is just 

as a part of us 

as you

 

Your world

Your world

Your world.

Sunday, December 6, 2020

Surviving Angel #newsong #lorijeanfinnila #angel #God

 

Photo from Pixabay


Surviving Angel


Verse

How can I take in 

Such things 

that don't seem real

What am I to learn from this

Or grow as it feels


How can you grow 

from something so awful

How can you feel

proud being one 

of the ones left standing


Chorus

Am I the strength 

or have I always been 

to walk down this surreal path 

as the surviving Angel


Verse

Please tell me

Everything will be okay

I've been strong

Not to break down 

or cried to all the pain

Around me

It's so unreal


Chorus

Am I the strength 

or have I always been 

to walk down this surreal path 

as the surviving Angel


Verse

Please take me

Where I'm supposed to be

No one should have to 

survive and feel this pain 


Home


Home


The surviving Angel

Bridge

Please tell me where to walk

where to go

what am I to do

Who should I serve

Under God


The surviving angel


It's so unreal 

outside of it 

and maybe in the home


Chorus


Verse

Come make it real

Come make it right

So I can know

I'm on the right path

my journey


Am I the path

That God has led

To walk down

Through hell

For all

The surviving angel


Chorus

Am I the strength 

or have I always been 

to walk down this surreal path 

as the surviving Angel


Surviving angel


Surviving angel 


Thursday, November 12, 2020

The Collection 2020 #love #spreading #victims #lorijeanfinnila #singersongwriter

  My Open Doors Collection contribution as a gun shot survivor victim taken down with it to sexual abuse.


My Gun Shot Survivor Song during Coronavirus out around Thanksgiving.






Photo by Agnese Lunecka from Pexels



Wednesday, October 28, 2020

Human Trafficking: The Beginning of It in a Song #newsong "Till Then" #rectified #humantrafficking #sexualassault #God #lorijeanfinnila

 After initial attempts to be taken down in NYC, I ended up home, where it appeared to have started. 

Having a best friend refer me to a house where I could rent a room, druggings, creeps in the middle of the night in my bed, and then eventually turned to fondling. I had to desperately try to escape acts that I had no idea where they were coming from, of what I now believe to be steps toward human trafficking. I didn't know about the romanticize step and it wasn't easy to get me past this one to pass me on to others. Feeling desperate and alone I gave in to isolation where I had no support from family and friends or authorities and even had to question their involvement at times being told to go to non reputable bars when I went for help of being drugged by juvenile cops - learning later they were trying to get me pregnant at this point after so many attempts to get me to go meet other people through romanticizing.  

I was eventually put in a room with no lock on the door. My phone line was wired into another man's room without my permission. That's when the drugging and fondling started. It moved to a hospital visit from there where the man was an EMT. The abuse continued through hospitals when I'd cry for help that I was being drugged. It ended up my car was crushed and dragged down the road with me in it post to a death threat wired audio message in my trunk 'Saying I was going to die' like my father. A nurse had told me he was worried about me before he died that summer. He had just told me I was safe with this EMT when I questioned why would he want me to move and live with him? The landlord had been giving me strange scary looks. My friend who referred me to him had changed her attitude toward me as well. 

When you know what kinds of things the human traffickers do it makes it so much easier to piece together. The EMT in the house where I rented the room had been telling me he picks up homeless and/or referring to weak people and put them in mental institutions and would I like him to do that to me. 'No' of course I said astonished. Then he came by later after my dad died when I was drugged badly with an ambulance as I crawled down the hall to just make putting a latch up so he couldn't get me. You could hear he was very annoyed then left. 

Where my ex husband had been known for his bold, wild, brash behavior, even towards me for leaving, there was question to his involvement toward revenge in vengeance, especially after my mom told me he was there at a hospital when I was in a slight coma being abused nine years later when this was happening to me after not seeing him or having contact - the judge ruling him abusive at our court held divorce proceeding. The more I learn the more I educate myself on the cunning procedures of human trafficking. 

My latest song "Till Then" sings about the time before God when all is believed for everyone and rectified. 

I ran so far and fought so hard up to the point of being fully taken down to rape. I had to run another 20 years from those at highest points in the business you can imagine from doctors, authorities, attempts in hospitals and homes.

Clip of "Till Then"



I will share more as I learn and figure out. 

Monday, September 21, 2020

"Cries Too Far" #newsong #lyrics #lorijeanfinnila #singersongwriter #fate #never #measured

 I came up with this from a few songs I've already written but not professionally distributed, "Those Unseen," "Am I Awake," and a new one I had been working on. I had originally used a loop from Martin Minor at Minor2Go music for "Those Unseen." I like how it goes to this as well where I can just change the pitch for a chorus. He did the loop so beautifully. I have to look for it again tomorrow.

These flowers are withered but they've learned to grow hard.




Photo by Juanjo Menta from Pexels

Cries Too Far

Verse

I hear cries and screams

I said pray, hold on

beg or plead

look far outside comfort

Chorus

Cries too far

from the mind

their fate never

measured

in weight

Verse

We fight to keep this quiet

why do we do this

Our cries are never seen

Chorus

Cries too far

from the mind

their fate never

measured

in weight

Verse

Our body becomes a machine to reconstruct

Our mind never learned

to heal or cope

Bridge

Injuries become a measurement in weight

when the cries come up

to be determined its fate

It's too late

Chorus

Cries too far

from the mind

their fate never

measured

in weight

Cries too far from the mind

Verse

Those unseen are left behind

far from the mind

scars are seen

way to late

Our cries are too far from the mind

Their fate never measured

Chorus

Cries too far

from the mind

their fate never

measured

in weight

Cries too far from the mind

Cries too far


Thursday, September 10, 2020

Lyrics and Recording to #newsong "Underwater" by #lorijeanfinnila #convulsions #underwater

 I was thought of as incomprehensible ever since a toddler because of my convulsions. I sit here today and cry from missing my mom and dad's funeral running from the hectic in my life.



Photo by Pixabay from Pexels

Underwater at SoundCloud

Lyrics

Verse

I saw you looking at me

So peculiar

You thought I didn't see

My way to you

My way here

Chorus

Though I looked underwater

I could hear everything around me

I tried to tell you mom

So many times

Verse

Mother would sleep and not see

Father would panic frantically

When he'd see my face on the cover

Of a rock n roll album

Chorus

Though I looked underwater

I could hear everything around me

I tried to tell you mom

So many times

Verse

Dad would still buy the records

Mom would still play the music

As I plucked for you

Stared at you

Barely speaking

Bridge

I knew the chords I was playing

Even though they made no sense to you

I was riding down the hall to save alla

In my red fire engine

My rocking horse was the last to know

You'd tell me mom not to go so fast

I'd rock more and end up out the window

Chorus

Though I looked underwater

I could hear everything around me

I tried to tell you mom

So many times


Underwater

I looked underwater

To you so many times

I tried to tell you I was really here

I can still hear the doctors saying

I'm underwater

Underwater to you

Chorus

Though I looked underwater

I could hear everything around me

I tried to tell you mom

So many times



Friday, August 21, 2020

The Best Place #newsong #lyrics #lorijeanfinnila #hot

 

The Best Place



I'm hot

my mind is not

in the right place

You're not in my vicinity

real close to me


Chorus

I'm not in

the best place

I can be

right now

for you and me


Verse

I feel alone

most of the time

all around me

even when you're home



Chorus



Verse

I feel you should talk

or come touch me

I feel I need to be connected more

so you can see how I feel


Bridge

I don't want to leave

but these feelings

leave me to such a place

away from here


Chorus

I'm not in

the best place

I can be

right now

for you and me


Photo by Masha Raymers from Pexels



Thursday, July 9, 2020

"So Grateful" #newsong #lyrics #lorijeanfinnila #singersongwriter #grateful

Photo by Řaj Vaishnaw from Pexels

"So Grateful" by Lori Jean Finnila

Verse
I look down at my boots below
as I felt my hands
touch the floor inside of me
remembering me on a floor just like this
on drugs

Chorus
I felt so grateful
as I anguished of that time
to have a home
as my after thought
away from it all

verse
My head would lift
in the dark, my groggy mind
to see things I shouldn't know
as girls disappear right before my eyes

Chorus

Verse
I cringe still today
of the sights
of the moments in my life
the fear still remains

Bridge
There's so much more to this
the girl's hand I held
still haunts me to this day
when I saw her go down

her body shook like I've known

Chorus
I felt so grateful
as I anguished of that time
to have a home
as my after thought
away from it all

Wednesday, July 8, 2020

Five Characteristics for Characters for the Movie "The Virtuous Woman" #richinwar #song #lorijeanfinnila #52FilmsByWomen

In “The Virtuous Woman,” that connects this story to the song “Rich in War,” I'm naming five characteristics of three characters that start the movie that I'm adding to that I wrote: The dad, the mom, and the grandmother – on the father's side.

They make the setup for the beginning of movie with trouble, later in strength, and ending in resolution for the main character of a young woman who had to leave home at 14 in the 50's named Celia. The bright eyed strawberry blond with light eyes was so eager to life but with many questions unanswered before she ventured the cruel world, sometimes making mistakes when she ventured out on her own but learning from them.

"Rich in War" video produced by Lori Jean Finnila. (The wars of woman.)

Dad: troubled because he was confused, flimsy in his decisions though he didn't see this, determined, insubstantial,

Mom: feeble, delicate, frail, fracturable shivery,

Grandmother: crisp, durable, unbreakable, consistent, able

Celia

Sunday, June 21, 2020

Bound Little Girls Without Their Parents #scared #children #madeline #french #lorijeanfinnila #singersongwriter

I was able to get the lyrics lined up to what actually happened to me when I was taken at 17 taken by an abusive boyfriend at the time to an abortion clinic and bound without my parents along with many other little girls. One of my favorite French fairy tale books was "Madeline" given to me by my French grandmother. The smallest character in the book was Madeline. I was always so small because I almost died from convulsions when I was a toddler - I had a hard time eating and digesting food and wasn't growing after that for a long time.

I was in shock after I was drugged that day and had my baby taken from my body after its necked was cracked because I was too far along and thrown into a trash can when I was walked into a room with all these other little girls lined up perfectly exactly tucked into sleeping beds; I almost died from bleeding to death but one of the girls spooked at the counselor that was letting me bleed out so I got stuffed with a towel when the counselor had to second guess her action.

madeline1
Illustration Courtesy Ludwig Bemelmans ( It looked French to me where my grandmother would make me walk straight and tall into our Catholic Church on Sundays dressed perfectly with white gloves down the main isle when I stayed over).

Ten Little Girls

Verse

there were ten little girls

abandoned

bound like in a jail

Chorus

Let me tell you my story

I'm the catholic girl

that didn't go away

Verse

There were ten little girls

that would never reveal

how they really feel

Chorus

Let me tell you my story

I'm the catholic girl

that didn't go away

Verse

There were ten little girls

lost in fairy tales

they were bound to be

sleeping beauties

Chorus

Let me tell you my story

I'm the catholic girl

that didn't go away

Verse

There were ten little girls

lined up in a row

tucked in beds

like my favorite fairy tale


There were sleeping little beauties


Ten little girls

ten little girls

Chorus


Ten little girls.......

2x

Chorus













Tuesday, June 9, 2020

Ten Little Girls #forcedabortion #song #lorijeanfinnila #fairytales #unreal #singersongwriter

The story of  my baby killed during a force abortion with all the other little girls there lined up with me with no parents forced against our wills.

Photo courtesy Karla Khodanian

Ten Little Girls

Verse
there were ten little girls
lost in fairy tales
they were bound like in a jail
lined up so unreal

Chorus
Let me tell you my story
of the catholic girl
that didn't go away

Verse
there were ten little girls
lined up in a row
never to reveal
how they really feel

Chorus
Let me tell you my story
of the catholic girl
that didn't go away

Verse
There were ten little girls
lost in fairy tales
like my favorite fairy tale
they were bound
to be sleeping beauties

Chorus
Let me tell you my story
of the catholic girl
that didn't go away

Verse
There were ten little girls
lost in fairy tales
like my favorite fairy tale
they were bound
to be sleeping beauties

Bridge
lined up in a row
laying like in a fairy tale
like little sleeping beauties


Ten little girls
ten little girls
Ten little girls.......










Friday, May 29, 2020

Brings back memories of me plucking on my pink plastic piano as a toddler..... #lorijeanfinnila #God #recording #freemusic

Though I felt close to God when being beaten close to death during abuse from my stalker I prayed for him to let me remain. Please feel free to download the song as well as the others under the "Am I Awake" album leaving it as .0 cents.

Close to God by Lori Jean Finnila

Brings back memories of me plucking on my pink plastic piano as a toddler the piano sounding like bells, fairies....

Image by pixel1 at Pixabay.

Close to God lyrics

Verse
I'm up one more day
The sun is shining
though I don't feel
as connected as others do
I'm still so grateful

Bridge
I feel I have much to do
I feel his message
I  fight to put into words
the meaning of my existence

Chorus
I feel so close to God
But I don't want to reach him too soon
Please tell him to love me
And let me remain

Verse
Another Sunday I can't make it to church
though I connect with those that perish
on a daily basis

Chorus
I feel so close to God
But I don't want to reach him too soon
Please tell him to love me
And let me remain

So close to God......
I feel so close to God

Tuesday, May 26, 2020

I Hold My Breath Before I Speak #abuse #lorijeanfinnila #singersongwriter #freemusic

My Odyssey

You take everything, from me
my food, a place to sit
As I sit closed
in the window

I hold tight to my odyssey
to my wars
until I return home
return home

My choices are limited
I hold my breath
before I speak, move, or make a decision
How is this lucky?

(I know we've all felt this before.) #lorijeanfinnila #singersongwriter #freemusic #COVID19 #relief

"My Odyssey" by Lori Jean Finnila



Image by Pexels from Pixabay.

Thursday, May 21, 2020

"Flying" #recording #lorijeanfinnila #singersongwriter #freemusic #dandelions

I finally found a universal song in all the mess in my mind. It's certainly not that it came from mess, but, alas, I was able to convert it for everyone universally. Make it into what you want in your mind.

Much love.

Lori Jean Finnila

Flying (free music) Still not in the studio, so bear with me. This came out pretty good too though.



Photo by Comfreak at Pixabay.

Tuesday, May 19, 2020

Recording "Am I Awake" #newsong #lorijeanfinnila #singersongwriter

I wrote this album from pain but in a universal way. I just added the final for now of "Am I Awake" making the album name this track. I hope you enjoy it.



Friday, May 15, 2020

Am I Awake #new #lyrics #lorijeanfinnila #singersongwriter

I thought to pick this song up and publish it after listening to a song by Ed Sheeran where I could connect with my lyrics, yet subside its actual content where it can be universal. I'm glad I did and another learning step toward my music.

Am I Awake

Verse
I know you want me or control me
I just want to put it away
and get lost in the music....

Chorus
Am I here
Am I awake
I take one step away
and I don't feel the pain

Verse
I feel it would be better
to let go of the past
and make beauty of a bad situation

Chorus
Am I here
Am I awake
I take one step away
and I don't feel the pain

Am I really here
I'm in shock again
Am I awake
Or am I dreaming

Verse
We fight to keep it quiet
but why do we have to do this
blood bursts till it spills over
quiet screams to no one

Chorus


Album Cover

Photo by Gerd Altmann at Pixabay.

Saturday, April 18, 2020

Adding to Simplicity Album #lorijeanfinnila #singersongwriter #album #coronavirus #staystrong #domesticviolence

I picked four songs that I felt go well with my Simplicity album at bandcamp. Please follow along as I work on these when hopefully this fog in my throat clears as our air gets better.


They are as follows:

Rise Above with special thanks to Minor2Go Music

Verse
When I write my hand hurts
When I think my head aches
My eyes blur
when this happens
all I feel …..are the nerves

Chorus
You are the beast of heaven
though I'm feeling bruised,
torn and braised
I will rise above with you

Verse
I'm bouncing
When I'm happy with joy
I feel I'm blessed
when I feel I can anticipate
your direction
and knowing where I'm at
when..... you're around

Chorus

Verse
I can walk though it hurts
I can stand tall
though when I ride
it feels I'm falling
every time I come back.... again

Bridge
There's no sense of this direction
I know fate has its purpose
I was meant to see you
and be with you in.... every way

Chorus

I will rise above and sit beside you




Tears Turn
by Lori Jean Finnila with special thanks to  Minor2Go Music
 

Verse
Please love, listen to me....
I was raised not to talk
about all the things done
It seems hard to function.

Chorus
I could sit down and cry
till my tears turn to falls
or I can pick myself up
and joy that is meant for me right now

Verse
The farmers boots don't hurt me
The free food, gas and water I don't mind
I just want to put everything in a box
where I feel there's no harm

Chorus

Verse
I could look deeper than what's necessary
or see what's in front of me
I can't think of one day without you
You brought my life and happiness back to me

Bridge
I'm sorry for the pasts that's burdened me 
has left you at times all alone.
I get ridiculed for my cutting words
my flesh too botched for heaven

Chorus
I could sit down and cry
my tears turn to falls
repeat




Verse
I see the man
stand still in the park
park is empty
I know there is more too

Chorus
This day is more important everyday
I feel this to you
from the message from above
and inside of me

Verse
Another stares with a frown
the humble reaches
for a question to be answered
all is fine
I'm right here with you

Chorus

Verse
I know you're scared
But I'm scared too
I listen to all the comments
trying to reach to you

Bridge
My mind has never been taken so far
even with all the tiniest darkest corners of our world
just takes a moment to forget this
when I can still feel
the warm hand in mine

Chorus

I'm right here with you
right here with you
I'm right here with you
right here with you



My Odyssey
Way Too Early
So Close to God
I'll Stand Strong
Leave This World


Wednesday, April 15, 2020

"Flying" by Lori Jean Finnila #newsong #lyrics #staystrong #stayhome #lorijeanfinnila #singersongwriter

Flying

Verse
I feel the dark spaces
inbetween my head
There's no air
For me to breathe in

Chorus
I am flying high
I'm flying low
I'm flying alone
Which thing should I turn into
Which way should I walk into

Verse
The quiet, the small looking pebbles in my view surrounded by blue
The deepest darkest color
you could ever imagine
Almost beautiful too

Chorus
I am flying high
I'm am flying low
I am flying alone
Which thing should I turn into
Which way should I walk into

Verse
It's all already been answered
Unfortunately to me
I just have to get it
The way I need to be

Bridge
It's solemn as it's always been
There's no changing to this

Chorus
I am flying high
I'm am flying low
I am flying alone
Which thing should I turn into
Which way should I walk into


 



Sunday, April 12, 2020

Happy Easter!! Free Song Written for Coronavirus "Right Here" in Demo form #lorijeanfinnila #singersongwriter #coronavirus #Oregon #world UnitedStates #HappyEaster #staystrong

Demo "Right Here"


Photo by Alena Koval from Pexels
Lyrics:
Right Here


Verse
I see the man
stand still in the park
park is empty
I know there is more too

Chorus
This day is more important everyday
I feel this to you
from the message from above
and inside of me

Verse
Another stares with a frown
the humble reaches
for a question to be answered
all is fine
I'm right here with you

Chorus
This day is more important everyday
I feel this to you
from the message from above
and inside of me

Verse
I know you're scared
But I'm scared too
I listen to all the comments
trying to reach to you

Bridge
My mind has never been taken so far
even with all the tiniest darkest corners of our world
just takes a moment to forget this
when I can still feel
the warm hand in mine

Chorus
This day is more important everyday
I feel this to you
from the message from above
and inside of me


I'm right here with you
right here with you
I'm right here with you
right here with you