What I Wish I Would Have Done #lorijeanfinnila #womanauthor #literature

 

Image by boris rager from Pixabay

Image by Mauricio Hernandez from Pixabay

What I Wish I Would Have Done

How many times have I felt sorry for myself with regrets: jobs I’ve deplored, jobs I’ve wished for that never would have worked out, grieving over my choices that they've taken so much time from my life, but really my choices haven't.

With all the pain through the years, physical and mental, I've come to a place in my old age where I'm standing facing my choices seeing that the 2 or 3 I’ve questioned were just meant to be. I had no choice to make these decisions, for in life the choices I made were for survival. I only made choices that would keep me alive.

It would seem I missed the laugh and fun, choices to do things that I love, find a love, but in reality deep in my mind I had those. Those short thoughts of all of them when I had the chance to feel them all added up to a huge amount of life in those short moments. If I didn’t have those I would haven't survived. 

As life undergoes you feel the suffering going on less as you get older: the slight indications that would sometimes save me, the ones I didn't take that would seem to hurt me, the strength I felt I didn't have at the time to be more bold standing up against those that were wrong. Yet when I would fall from those regretted actions would come to play where I’d run, fight, fight a new boldness, which helped make up for the regretted actions, wishing and mourning those that I thought that would be there to protect weren't the people I thought they were, I had to grow up and face a new reality of what really is and be strong and make bolder decisions because of this.

Where we fought from ice age to the next survival point I could see this never left us. We all separated and did what was best for us. I kept thinking I was making mistakes.

All my blunders, miscalculations, misjudgments weren't my fault. I was just trying to get out of the way from it, out of all the scrambling to survive going on.

Today as I’m older and wiser I can see what the fulfillment of life is. It's cherishing those short instances that only come by that you might have never had. I don't know what my offing will be. But I’ll be sure to make wiser choices now. From those before us I will get your messages now.